1) Tell them to get an F—n real job, like food delivery, construction, teaching school, or mining (you’ll usually scare the weak ones or the ones just starting out quit this type of job soon if not immediately)
2) If a collections company, tell them the F—n company that you owe screwed them in the first place and that’s why you’re not F—n paying anything
3) Tell them you are on social assistance/disability and have no F—n money to give to them, and even if you did, there would be no F—n way they’d get it in a million years.
4) Tell them you don’t F—n care if it goes on the credit report (you’re probably already screwed anyway)
5) Ask how they F—n got your number, you’ll stun them, because often they don’t really now, or will have some standard line they are supposed to use.
6) Waste theirs, and the company’s, time about anything but the product or money owed. (they’ll speak to significantly fewer people and if enough people do that, they get fired from the job, and if lots of people do it, the company can go out of business)
7) If a collections company, tell them people would F—n pay their bills if they actually had stable employment and they were happy with the company, otherwise they wouldn’t go into default, and that few people screw companies intentionally, they only default when they have to cut back spending or were f—n overcharged, especially severely.
8) Tell them you’d f—n like to see them be able to pay their bills if they were to lose their job or became unable to work.
9) Ask them how they feel about working in that type of job, most of them will feel embarrased, and those starting out may just quit.
10) Ask them what their friends would f—n think about them working in these types of jobs, especially if they found out any of their friends were among those that couldn’t pay their bills.
11) If a telemarketer, especially for duct or carpet cleaning, tell them you don’t have any ducts or carpets (which the former is always true if you live in an apartment or condo, and lots of people don’t use carpets or rugs anyway!)
12) If a potential scammer, ask for their residential address claiming you need it to wire the funds (and more places ask for one before you can do so, Western Union I think does now require an actual address for the recipient (remember, you’re using this really so the police in their area can catch the scammer) Don’t get a PO Box!
13) If a potential scammer, pretend to go along with the scam, and ask for their physical features, or a photo of themselves (so that you can report them to the police in their area, not to actually meet them…)
14) Tell them it’s past the statute of limitations since you’ve owed that money and they should not be calling you to collect the debt. (in most places it’s 5-7 years, in some it’s only 3 years)
15) If they are threatening you (and this is not allowed by Canadian and US laws) get the company’s address customer service number and report them to the police in their area.
16) If they call you more than once a day, and outside of times permitted in your region, save the number and report to the agencies and police, as there are hefty fines for breaking the law.